I long to... Had I really...?

I long to run, without the fear of ever falling down.
I long to swim, without the fear of ever drowning.
I long to love, without the fear of ever getting hurt.

So what if I would fall and stand up on my own?
It is the fear that holds my legs from breaking into a sprint.
So what if I would drown and live another life?
It is the fear that holds me away from the waters.
So what if the wound would heal over time?
It is the fear that holds my love from ever being said.

So what if fairy tales are real?
So what if I were given three wishes?
So what if wishes can come true?
I was never brought up to wish selfishly for the heart's dearest longings.

I shall never run without fear of falling down.
I shall never swim without fear of drowning.
I shall never love without fear of getting hurt.

Then I had learned to run and to stop when I thought I were to fall.
Then I had learned to swim and to stay close to edges I could grab when I were to drown.
Then I had learned to love and to not long for its return lest I get hurt.

I run, but had I really ran?
I swim, but had I really swam?
I love, but had I really loved?

---

很難得的一次，我會用英語寫出心情。
也不是沒有嘗試用中文寫，只是此刻覺得英語版比中文版漂亮很多。
跑步總是讓我變得感性，總是讓我想起不快樂的事。
或許我不適合跑步，但是我卻深愛著跑步。
矛盾：延續。

最喜歡妳的心

兩人賴在沙發上看書。看著看著，他好像累了。望著她許久，突然開口問她：「梅，妳最喜歡自己哪裡？」
她轉過頭看了他一眼，然後闔上書想想說：『肩膀，我最喜歡我的肩膀。』
好奇，「哦？怎麼會最喜歡自己的肩膀？」她輕輕微笑說：『因為我覺得我的肩膀一定很好靠。』他靠近、把頭靠在她的肩膀撒嬌。被他逗笑的她說：『知道怎樣靠法最舒服嗎？』好奇，「怎樣靠最舒服？」『來，轉過來背對著我。』她也轉身與他背對背的在沙發上坐好，『把頭靠在我肩上，舒服嗎？』「我溶化了…妳怎麼知道這樣靠最舒服？有人靠過告訴妳的嗎？」『沒有，我只是覺得在我需要依靠的時候，我會想靠這樣的肩膀。』
「我的肩膀也很好靠。來，我跟妳說怎樣靠最舒服。」他起身，拉她起來，然後輕輕拥她入懷裡，讓她的頭依在自己的肩膀。她沒有說甚麼。「梅？」『我睡著了。』她輕輕的說。他滿足的微笑著。
緩緩把頭抽離那肩膀，然後若有所思說：『那你最喜歡我哪裡？』好像已經準備了千萬年的答案沒有停頓的從他口中說出來，讓她整個人甜到心裡去：「最喜歡妳的心。可以給我嗎？」